If you have devoted the necessary time and energy to the first 8 steps, you should have a solid foundation from which to approach making amends in Step 9. Your relationship with a higher power—no matter how you define it—can help you to remain open and willing, even as you acknowledge hard truths about pain you have caused to others. To fix broken relationships, you have to put a lot of effort into making things work. It’s not enough to say to someone that you apologize and feel badly for how you acted in the past. It takes a certain maturity and level of respect for yourself and the person you’re hoping to reconnect with to get past any past issues.

Making Amends in Addiction Recovery

They may refuse to meet at all or refuse to listen to what you have to say. Sometimes it can be hard to know what to say when preparing to make amends. There may be so many times we feel we let someone down that it can be hard to know where to begin. We want to convey our heartfelt remorse but worry that our words will fall short. The goal in making amends is “to freely admit the damage we’ve done and make our apologies,” according to The Big Book.

• That’s why we have a comprehensive set of treatment providers and don’t charge for inclusion.
• It’s important to note that making amends is for the person we hurt.
• When you commit yourself to repairing relationships, you strengthen and reinforce healthy, long-term recovery.

What Do You Say When Making Amends? – The Step 9 Amends Letter

Communicating about the way you harmed others can evoke strong emotions. Each person’s experience of addiction and recovery is unique. Just like each person needs an individualized approach to alcohol addiction treatment, your approach to making amends in AA may look completely different from someone else’s. All types of amends are good, but living amends are some of the best kinds you can make! They affirm your decision to make lifelong changes, which has a positive effect on both you and everyone around you.

The List Of Wrongs

Other individuals who have completed Step 9, such as your sponsor, may be able to help you choose a meaningful way to make indirect amends. Remember, this is a Twelve Step process that can provide a platform for healing, but the person we are reaching out to may not be at the same place in what is a living amends healing as we are. We are only in control of our part—making and living the amends. As with alcohol and other drugs, we are also powerless over other people. We cannot control how others respond, whether they will forgive or whether they will hold on to negative feelings or resentments.

Another instance where making direct amends may not be a good idea is if admitting your wrongs could jeopardize your freedom, which could hurt your loved ones. However, if after talking with your sponsor you decide to proceed anyway, make sure you have spoken to your family especially if you are the head of the household or primary source of income. Also, it may not be a good idea to make direct amends if it https://ecosoberhouse.com/ could potentially stir something up. Direct amends are not always possible or practical, but that doesn’t mean the individual is unable to demonstrate changed behavior. Volunteering for a worthwhile cause or supporting a charity can be a valuable way to make amends. Direct amends refers to going directly to the wronged individual, apologizing and taking whatever action is necessary to correct a situation.

Graduate School of Addiction Studies

These steps mean taking ownership of the past, apologizing for wherever you made mistakes and moving forward from those missteps. Sometimes, it’s necessary to make amends to employers or co-workers. Whatever the situation, there are a few ways to get started in the process of repairing wrongs with the people you most care about. Making living amends can take on many different forms depending on the relationship to those affected by the wrongdoing. In most cases, the offender owes apologies to the people closest to them, like their friends, parents, and children. However, these promises are usually the result of deep feelings of shame, guilt, and regret and may not be genuine for some.

• Many alcoholics in early sobriety struggle with how to make direct amends for certain offenses against others.
• Although it sounds lofty, there are realistic, achievable ways to implement examples of making amends.

Navigating Step Nine: Living Amends

• At Eudaimonia Recovery Homes, we provide personalized recovery support with comfortable sober living Austin, Houston, and Colorado Springs.
• Living amends is the part of your recovery where you must “walk your talk” by incorporating positive, healthy habits into your new sober lifestyle.
• For example, if you are quick to anger or have trouble following through with promises, these are areas you can continue to work on in sobriety.
• We likely promised to sober up in the past, only to revert to alcohol abuse or another drug of choice.

What Does Step 9 (Making Amends) Have To Do With Sobriety?